Guess who's back

I've been meaning to post for ages but wasn't sure of what to say (I'm a firm believer of not blogging unless I have something worthwhile saying/reading). I've had some quite significant changes happen in the past 2-3 weeks and whilst change is good, this time it's really taken its toll on me and I have to admit I struggled to the point of feeling like I was drowning. I've had to re-evalute things in my life and I've been asking myself 'What's important to me?'

I'm still in the process of answering this question and it has caused me to make more changes. I can't say much more than that at the moment but I'm sure more will be revealed in time. I can say that some of the most significant support I got during this period came in the most unlikely forms (even the small gestures) and it's made me realise that you shouldn't take any of your relationships for granted - even the people you only see once every-so-often and even twitter-friends (as I call them - they know who they are). Someone I spoke to made me realise that bad things have a tendency to seeming a bit larger than life and it only takes watching the news to realise that your problems aren't actually 'problems' in the grand scale of things. Yes, there were huge personal and professional changes in your life but at least I still have my health, my sanity and people around me who love me no matter what. It was great advice, took a while to sink in but great advice nonetheless.

It was so easy to just sink into some state of semi-depression these past weeks; doing the bare minimum and not caring about the rest. I really had to kick myself out of it, it was getting pathetic! There was actually quite a bit happening I could have blogged about, was just lazy I suppose. I had to remind myself why I started the blog in the first place: as an avenue to talk about what I was thinking, doing, seeing, inspired by... and because I love to write - it keeps me sane.

Anyway, I'm back! And we have a lot of catching up to do (bear with me, I'm assuming people actually read my blog) starting with this tattoo I got....

Marian Kihogo on why she is thinking of giving up blogging

Some serious food for thought

So I know I said I was going to bed but I though I should share this post on Marian's blog and it's a must-read if you're a fashion blogger or thinking of becoming one.

There was also a post by The Times, the Global Herald and Demi Couture on the same subject and it sounds like a serious lesson in etiquette and manners needs to be learned. The same way bloggers quickly rose to fame is the same way we can quickly crash and burn if we're not careful, and it's a shame that a few bad eggs should ruin the whole breakfast. I was actually discussing this with a fellow blogger and we were saying how excited and privileged we felt to even be able to see the few shows we did this season and I wish others would see it as what it is, a privilege and not a right. Bloggers pulling a 'do you know who I am' at fashion shows is soo not on. Yes I know who you are: nobody. And that goes for your dog too.

What happened to our Honeymoon?

I had a fight with the boy today... it was kind of brewing from the night before and I called to kiss and make up so to speak but all I got was round two. To be honest I wonder if I can really call him the boy as we've only been talking for a few weeks and technically he hasn't asked me out yet.

By the by: do people still ask each other out anymore? I've been out of the dating scene for so long but I know back in high school (my last proper relationship, sad? I know) the boy had to officially ask the girl out. Is that still the case or do we just assume that if I like you and you like me that we're dating? On the other hand am I to be all women-have-balls-too and ask him out myself? Plus if he tells you he loves you before you're officially dating is that backwards or no?

He'd gone back home for the Christmas holiday and it was my turn to call him yesterday evening. When I did call he wasn't available and later on when he was free to talk I was busy. For some reason this was a problem; what could I possibly be doing that I was too busy to talk, and round one begun. I really didn't want to fight and tried to remain as calm as possible but apparently being calm = patronizing.

Blah blah blah, to cut the long story short it got me thinking about the so-called honeymoon period in relationships. You know those first few weeks, months (years if you're lucky) when everything is perfect and you never have any arguments? Whatever the time frame is I'm pretty sure 4 weeks is a bit on the short side (especially considering the fact that I'm not even sure if we're technically in a relationship). And not to go all Carrie B on y'all but I found myself wondering: is this a sign to cut my losses and run whilst I can, or is it a realistic occurrence in any normal relationship in which case I should see how we can settle our creative differences?

This is probably why I stayed single for so long. Men = muchos stress

I will Rise

Morning (or evening) lovely people, it's 2010!!! I've had the longest evening ever and I'm actually surprised I am still awake. We had our New Year's Eve celebration over at New Wine Church and it was getting broadcast so we were working our behinds off to get it all ready for our 5-hour show, glitches et al. I got really stressed out during the broadcast, and even broke down in tears at one point, but I managed to pull it together and we had a near-perfect production.

It got me thinking about how much we push ourselves; to do things we think we aught to do, setting targets for ourselves by ourselves. Setting targets is good don't get me wrong, but I find that I sometimes give myself somewhat impossible challenges. Like today I decided that I was going to get everything done perfectly, there was no room for errors. Now considering I was still only just receiving some of the song lyrics after we had already gone live I'm not quite sure how I thought I could prepare all 70-something Power Point slides in time to project them. Single-handedly might I add. And also why I was kicking myself when I couldn't.

Having said that I'll continue to push myself (you'll never know until you try right?) and I'm determined to be the best that I can be in 2010. It's crazy to think that I've been alive for two decades... pushing two-and-a-half actually. I did a little fast-forward in my mind and tried to see myself in 2020... three decades old, wrinkles and screaming kids, maybe finally having moved to NYC... hmmm. Whichever way I'm determined to make my mark on this world and this is my year for new beginnings.

So, new year resolution this year: Rise, Run and Reign. 2009 was a great year for me and I really grew as a person, but I truly believe it's just a stepping stone to the things that I will see/do/experience in 2010, with Him by my side.


Here's some food for thought: if you want something whole-heartedly why would you only put half your heart into it?